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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
This is not normal...next step?
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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This is not normal...next step?
by wondering, Sep 10, 1999 12:00AM
I have a cousin who is 18, and her parents divorced when she was about 8. The problem is, she is WAY too attatched to her mother. Her mother does everything for her, LITERALLY EVERYTHING....cuts her meat for her at the table, helps her get dressed, wash her hands, it's embarrasing. My cousin is not mentally or physically disabled in any way, she graduated in the top 5% of her class.
Also, her and her mother are abnormally affectionate. They hold hands in public, my cousin will rest her head on her mother's lap or bosom. I don't even want to entertain the though of what may be going on....
My cousin in also very immature for her age...she still dreams of meeting movie stars, plays with Lego blocks, changes her interests every week or so, just like a child of about 10.
She even came home from college after 2 days because she couldn't stand being seperated from her mother.
I know that everyone lives differently, and develops at different rates, but I feel strongly that this is nowhere near normal ranges. Am I over reacting? How do I bring it up to them? I'm worried about my cousin's adjustment and adult life. Is there anyone I could call to intervene, I really don't feel they'd be receptive to a suggestion.
Also, her and her mother are abnormally affectionate. They hold hands in public, my cousin will rest her head on her mother's lap or bosom. I don't even want to entertain the though of what may be going on....
My cousin in also very immature for her age...she still dreams of meeting movie stars, plays with Lego blocks, changes her interests every week or so, just like a child of about 10.
She even came home from college after 2 days because she couldn't stand being seperated from her mother.
I know that everyone lives differently, and develops at different rates, but I feel strongly that this is nowhere near normal ranges. Am I over reacting? How do I bring it up to them? I'm worried about my cousin's adjustment and adult life. Is there anyone I could call to intervene, I really don't feel they'd be receptive to a suggestion.
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Sep 11, 1999 12:00AM
, Sep 11, 1999 12:00AM
Dear Wondering,
As you can tell, the relationship between your cousin and her mother is not reflective of mature development. However, there may be a limited amount you can do about this - their relationship is not yours to decide.
Having said that, you can ask to speak with your cousin and/or her mother and express your concern for them. In an uncritical, supportive and caring fashion, you can speak about what you've noticed and even make the suggestion that they might consider enlisting the advice of a licensed mental health clinician.
Or, if you know of a relative or friend who, by virtue of that person's relationship with either your cousin or her mother, might be in a better position to address the matter, you could chat with that person about what you've noticed and see if that person might be willing to chat with them about it.
Going into this, though, it's important to realize that these matters are not yours to control, and that all you can do is express your concern for them and, hopefully, guide them to some help.
As you can tell, the relationship between your cousin and her mother is not reflective of mature development. However, there may be a limited amount you can do about this - their relationship is not yours to decide.
Having said that, you can ask to speak with your cousin and/or her mother and express your concern for them. In an uncritical, supportive and caring fashion, you can speak about what you've noticed and even make the suggestion that they might consider enlisting the advice of a licensed mental health clinician.
Or, if you know of a relative or friend who, by virtue of that person's relationship with either your cousin or her mother, might be in a better position to address the matter, you could chat with that person about what you've noticed and see if that person might be willing to chat with them about it.
Going into this, though, it's important to realize that these matters are not yours to control, and that all you can do is express your concern for them and, hopefully, guide them to some help.
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