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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
My 16 Yr Old Constantly Lie's and Defies rules and Disobey's Parents
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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My 16 Yr Old Constantly Lie's and Defies rules and Disobey's Parents
by Dennis, Jan 12, 2000 12:00AM
My 16 Yr old Step daughter is constantly lieing about school work and anything else that she is in trouble for. If she is guilty of not doing her Schoold work - her excuse is that the teacher never gave her a homework assignment- or if she gets in trouble at school - the other person is at fault reguardless of what it is abotu or for. She is always on the defensive reguardless of what the situation. She has been hospitalized for Sucidal tendency's and Behavioral disorder's. She was kept for a month and released on medication (effexor) (35.7 Nighttime)(75 daytime) and it seems to help but she wont take it all the time and it shows. She has recently spent time in Claxton (a juvenile Detention center)( her 16th birthday) for her last behaviorial outbreak which lost the family pet of 2 years. She had left home without permission and took the family dog with her knowing she wasn't allowed to take the pet away from the house, and it got killed (ran over) trying to follow her when she left for home (she forgot to get her). She was on restriction at the time and had lied to a family friend about a birthday party that never took place. When we called the parent to report the incident about the party (A lie), the girls mother went looking for her daughter (where she was suppose to meet her) which took her over 2 hours to find her because of my Stepdaughters disrespectful attitude and negelgence of household rules. She is taken medication but she doesnt take it all the time therefore she gets in Moods and gets very argumentive with us (her parents) and her school teachers. She is ofter late for school and plays Hooky if she gets the chance. We have an open line for that reason for the school. She is on prbation from the last incident and still doesnt give a darn about the rules and argues with her mother most of the time, wont help out around the house, wont keep her room clean, (lives like a pig) and she is consitantly talking, Her father commited sucide a years ago November 30, and she blames me for it, calles me a mental murder. and has accused me of everything and anything under the sky. I have to go to court now for a runin I had with her spraying me in the eyes with Room deordizer (Airasole can)mot once but twice- and I am the one that called the Police on an unruley child- but because I ran after her to get the can away from her - she fell and hit her arm on the wall causeing a mark on her arm as she fell trying to turn into her room to fast. They took me in because she told the police I pushed her and I was nowhere near her when she fell - but they still took me in for DV Battery (domestic violence battery) because of her lies. This child is in need of help badly but we cant get the doctors to recgonize her problems or disrespectful attutide. Is there something that were missing or should we take her back in to be checked again. The Mental doctor has released her to out patient theriopy, and she has been placed on probation, but that doesnt seem to phase her in anyway and she continues to not take her medication, which causes her to react with outburst and disrespect, and anything she can cause trouble with, I'm at wits end with her and would love to get her the help she requires - but I'm not sure I can tolerate anymore actions like this - it is getting costly (laywer fee's, Court cost and bail bonds.) not to mention the way others look at us when we walk into a room or restrant ( we live in a small town).. Please help if you can - I need it before I revert to a foster home or Detention hall for her. She is headed to jail if she continues her ways, and she is a wonderful child when she wants to be..
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 12, 2000 12:00AM
, Jan 12, 2000 12:00AM
Dear Dennis,
Your stepdaughter is clearly quite troubled, and likely displays a mood disorder and disruptive behavior disorder. The medication she takes must be taken faithfully in order to maintain a therapeutic level in the blood. If it's taken on an inconsistent basis, it will not be helpful.
Yes, it makes sense to be persistent in getting her help. She probably will not respond favorably to a regimen of only outpatient therapy and medication. She may require residential treatment, partial hospitalization (i.e., day treatment), an alternative school placement, etc. - i.e., intensive intervention.
Your stepdaughter should also undergo a substance abuse evaluation if this has not already occurred.
Your stepdaughter is clearly quite troubled, and likely displays a mood disorder and disruptive behavior disorder. The medication she takes must be taken faithfully in order to maintain a therapeutic level in the blood. If it's taken on an inconsistent basis, it will not be helpful.
Yes, it makes sense to be persistent in getting her help. She probably will not respond favorably to a regimen of only outpatient therapy and medication. She may require residential treatment, partial hospitalization (i.e., day treatment), an alternative school placement, etc. - i.e., intensive intervention.
Your stepdaughter should also undergo a substance abuse evaluation if this has not already occurred.
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If and when your situation reaches a crisis status, I urge you to be prepared. Meaning, make a few phone calls to residential centers asking them how their program addresses your child's needs. How long, if any, is the waiting list? How often do staff communicate? By what means? Are staff regularly retrained? Also, you may ask whether parental input is allowed, how medication issues are regulated, and how your daughter would be weened back into her home life.
You are definately not alone. Stay lovingly positive/in control.