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Child Behavior (Expert Forum)
My 15 yr. old insists on dating 21 year old boy
Answered by
Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D. - Child and Adolescent Psychotherapy, Family Therapy, Crisis Intervention
Harvard Vanguard Medical Associates
This forum is for questions and support regarding child behavior issues such: Child Discipline (behavior management), Normal Child Development, Parent-Child Communications, Social Development
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My 15 yr. old insists on dating 21 year old boy
by Glen, Jan 29, 2001 12:00AM
My wife and I would like to know what to do? We have a very loveing and careing 15 yr. old daughter who feels for and wants to help a troubled 21 yr. old boy. The relationship has matured to the point he threatens harm to himself if she leaves him. My daughter claims she is the only one who knows him and his real feelings. There's really no telling what he is doing to her mentally. We also have reason to believe drugs are in the picture. We discussed the dangers of such a relationship with her, and all agreed it should end. Now for the last week she looses control of yer temper, constantly lies, sneaks out and never comes home on time. She claims, I don't understand. So far I have placed my trust in my daughter to do what she promised me, to end it.
I get a feeling that I should be precise, but careful to listen. Should I be the determinded dad that wants this relationship desolved. How do I know if I should involve the law.
Tough on "ole" Dad
Thanks and Kind Regards,
Glenn
I get a feeling that I should be precise, but careful to listen. Should I be the determinded dad that wants this relationship desolved. How do I know if I should involve the law.
Tough on "ole" Dad
Thanks and Kind Regards,
Glenn
Doctor's Answer
by Kevin Kennedy, Ph.D., Jan 30, 2001 12:00AM
, Jan 30, 2001 12:00AM
Dear Glenn,
Involvement of parents in the relationships of teens can be a delicate matter. And, in general, it usually exacerbates problems when parents attempt to set limits on relationships and attempt to interrupt them.
However, there are times when it is wise to intervene, even strongly. It is not appropriate for a minor child to be involved with a tweny-one year old man, under any circumstances. The fact that illicit activity may be involved only makes the need to intervene more compelling.
There are two potential legal issues involved, perhaps three. If drugs are involved, but I guess as of now you only suspect this, of course that is a legal matter. Apart fom this, if your daughter is involved sexually with this ma, statutory rape is a matterof great consequence. And, if your daughter is AWOL from home and defying your authority, you may (depending on the statutes in your locale) approach the courts to suport your authority by filing what in many states is called a Child In Need of Services (CHINS) petition. It would make sense to investigate this.
As you can see, I am guiding you in the direction of firm, decisive, but caring and calm, intervention, to protect your daughter from herself.
Involvement of parents in the relationships of teens can be a delicate matter. And, in general, it usually exacerbates problems when parents attempt to set limits on relationships and attempt to interrupt them.
However, there are times when it is wise to intervene, even strongly. It is not appropriate for a minor child to be involved with a tweny-one year old man, under any circumstances. The fact that illicit activity may be involved only makes the need to intervene more compelling.
There are two potential legal issues involved, perhaps three. If drugs are involved, but I guess as of now you only suspect this, of course that is a legal matter. Apart fom this, if your daughter is involved sexually with this ma, statutory rape is a matterof great consequence. And, if your daughter is AWOL from home and defying your authority, you may (depending on the statutes in your locale) approach the courts to suport your authority by filing what in many states is called a Child In Need of Services (CHINS) petition. It would make sense to investigate this.
As you can see, I am guiding you in the direction of firm, decisive, but caring and calm, intervention, to protect your daughter from herself.
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I would have that young man arrested and or a restraining order served. Your daughter is in a terrible situation..I have been there.You may very well be right about the drugs being involved. There is nothing wrong with tuf love. Your local sheriff dept has officers that can lead you in the right direction for help. The dept can give you options for counsling and help for the laws in your area. NEW yORK has what they call PINS the court puts it on your child in an effort to get them to stay home and go to school. I know you want to help your daughter but sometimes the least attractive is the best,, Don't worry your daughter will thank you later. Teen pregantcy and STD should also be something to consider.Good luck to you abd God Bless.