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Mental Health (Expert Forum)
adult survivor of sex abuse
Answered by
Roger Gould, M.D. - Mental Health, Wellness
Questions posted in the Mental Health forum are being answered by Dr. Roger L. Gould, author of the Mastering Stress and Depression program and affiliated with the UCLA. Department of Psychiatry. Topics covered include anger, attention deficit disorder (ADD), bipolar disorder, dementia, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT), learning disabilities, memory, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), panic, personality disorders, phobias, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), schizophrenia, stress, transitions, and work problems.
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adult survivor of sex abuse
by rapids, Nov 09, 2004 12:00AM
i am now male 36. was sex abused by male babysitter when i was 8/9.
had no memory of this till 23. then had a mental breakdown. but always felt a little different from others. i had ok relationships with girls (in college) but never long term and always somewhat nervewracking.
after breakdown/23 and recognition this happened - confirmed by a brother that had the same problem. adulthood has been horrible with depression, no relationships, anxiety, and fear this has made me less heterosexual, though that is not rational. afraid of intimacy now and fearing ability to perform. have been in and out of several jobs and have no confidence even in areas where i have had some career success.
think i have bad ptsd, as i often daze off and always seek calm, non confrontational situations. also very isolated, don't socialize much anymore and prefer solitude.
i have seen numerous pyschiatrists over the years but even had trouble being fully open. now have a new shrink and having a little success. been on all the srri's and zoloft helps a little.
but i fear i will never really join the world and participate and the dynamic all gets worse as i get older.
love to hear your two cents on this picutre.
thanks.
had no memory of this till 23. then had a mental breakdown. but always felt a little different from others. i had ok relationships with girls (in college) but never long term and always somewhat nervewracking.
after breakdown/23 and recognition this happened - confirmed by a brother that had the same problem. adulthood has been horrible with depression, no relationships, anxiety, and fear this has made me less heterosexual, though that is not rational. afraid of intimacy now and fearing ability to perform. have been in and out of several jobs and have no confidence even in areas where i have had some career success.
think i have bad ptsd, as i often daze off and always seek calm, non confrontational situations. also very isolated, don't socialize much anymore and prefer solitude.
i have seen numerous pyschiatrists over the years but even had trouble being fully open. now have a new shrink and having a little success. been on all the srri's and zoloft helps a little.
but i fear i will never really join the world and participate and the dynamic all gets worse as i get older.
love to hear your two cents on this picutre.
thanks.
Doctor's Answer
by Roger Gould, M.D., Nov 11, 2004 12:00AM
, Nov 11, 2004 12:00AM
You have to find and work with a shrink on just this problem and nothing else...look at your conflict about doing what you need to do...I can assure you that all of your deepest fears will turn out to be not true but the only way you find that out is by taking calculated social risks...make your shrink into your coach.
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Flashbacks and social withdrawl are very classic signs of this disorder, and it is usually a delayed reaction to a traumatic event.
However, you must stay strong and attempt to rebuild your life from the ground up. You will need a good therapist as you progress through different stages in dealing with your past - and I know that one of those stages feels like it will never get better. Most people go through this when the are grieving the death of a realative and truly believe they will never heal and progressively get worse. It is harder for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferer's b/c by the time the have gotton to this stage - they have usually already isolated themselves and cannot share this grief with any one else in the world (or so they feel) Dead loved ones have funerals and wakes where everyone can mingle in a supportive group and pay tribute to something - go through the rituals that most people expect them to. PTSD sufferer's are not given the same social permission to grieve and are misunderstood when they do. This is why you need strength and should find a support group so that you can share your story with other sufferer's and then you can listen to theirs.
Talk therapy and support is what will bring you to the light at the end of the tunnel. You need this to heal - even though you will always have this scar. Medication may help a little but like the people left behind grieving a loved one's death - PTSD sufferer's also have to live with what has happened in the past for the rest of their lives. You wont always feel this bad if you make a genuine effort to overcome your past. If you had a supportive network they would offer you hope, surely.
Hope I have helped as I am a PTSD suffer that is also rather isolated - just remember that we are still beautiful even if no one knows it but us!
Feel free to chat with me on I.C.Q. number:255 953 705
You survived. You are here. What happened is a part of who you are but not your future. The mind is extremely powerful. I was abused for almost 11 years duing my childhood by different men, most of whom my family trusted (they were all part of the extended family). It took me nearly five years to accept what had happened and to force myself to overcome it. But eventually I did. I now look at them in the eye and they are scared to talk to me. I still need to communicate with them and meet them at family gatherings and no one knows. I have never had anti-depressants in my life, except for once when the doctor gave it to me without my knowledge and I only took five doses and stopped it.
Trust me, you can wean yourself off all kinds of anti-depressants if you remember that you are a wonderful person. You are a nice person and you have certain unique qualities that no one else has. You can work at discovering them and developing them, and trust me, you'll begin to love yourself. Whatever happened was not your fault. You just have to accept that fact. Forgive yourself and ignore the feelings of shame and hurt and anger and bitterness. They don't affect anyone but you. Build a strong network of nice friends around you. Begin by clearing the physical clutter in your environment and nurture the blessings you have.
Life will be different.
Take care.